I am sick. I mean ill, as in acute bronchitis and creeping crud and all that yucky stuff... but my boys are sick, too.
You know what that means... My husband's next.
It starts with a bad headache that comes and goes....and comes and goes... My husband just had a few yesterday.
Then a wave of dizziness and coughing. My oldest got that today.
Then heavy coughing, body aches, and fever - my baby's got that today.
Then it gets really yucky. I had that yesterday. I'm feeling a bit better since I went to the hospital. The doc loaded me up on turbo antibiotics and an inhaler to alleviate the bronchitis.
But the worst part is the stress incontinence.
Yes, I said it. There it is. Laugh if you must, but it's true.
I pee when I cough really hard.
I pee when I sneeze.
I pee when I am hacking up a lung.
Here a pee, there a pee, everywhere a pee-pee.
Are you done laughing yet? Me neither.
I pee when I laugh, too.
Nope. It's not funny. And it got me to thinking, this must be a glimpse of what it's like to get old. Losing control of parts of you that your THOUGHT were firmly under your control.
OY.
So I had a clever idea. My baby wears diapers, so he doesn't care if he pees all over everything. My oldest wears pull ups on occasion, so this is no big thing for him.
Yes, you can do the math and make the linear connection here. I got "adult diapers".
Seriously, you can stop laughing now.
But let me tell you, these are NOT comfortable. I mean, they may help to fight against wetness, but they aren't winning any beauty contests. They are scratchy, cling in all the wrong places, sag in all the other wrong places, and while they're effective, I certainly don't feel confident when I wear them.
No wonder old people are crabby all the time. If they have to wear these ungodly things I TOTALLY understand.
On the bright side, my issue is temporary - which is good because I'm headed out to Leader Retreat in glorious Dallas, Texas this weekend. Actually, we're hanging out at the Embassy Suites in Frisco, Texas, which is North Dallas, but this place is SWANK! Check out the photo gallery here.This is a picture of the atrium (courtesy of the hotel). I've never been to Dallas (that's a blog post all by itself!), but they weren't kidding when they said things are bigger here:
Our Annual Leader Retreat will feature prominent speakers in the Direct Sales Industry. Last year, for example, Belinda Ellsworth was our Keynote speaker. This year, Jane Deuber will present a special session for Directors only. Pretty exciting - if you're into direct sales!
But I also look at the amenities of the event, and this one purports to be full-blown awesome:
- Complimentary made-to-order omelettes each morning (or if you don't like eggs, there's a complimentary breakfast)
- A full course of fine dining between each training session (no box lunch here, folks!)
- Complimentary business center access and Wi-Fi
- A COMPLIMENTARY reception every evening in this glorious atrium (yes, drinks of all kinds, folks)
- On-stage recognition for leadership levels
- Tons of Free products from our new catalog
- Networking opportunities galore
Plus, did I mention I'm NOT taking the family with me this time!?! Can you say working vacation? Woo hoo!
Yes, while I'm living "la vida loca" in Dallas for afew days, my husband, who should be hard and heavy into that cold by then, will be tending to our precious children at home alone.
Yes, you did hear me snicker. Hee hee.
But before you think I'm cruel and callous, I did save a few "adult diapers" for him.
And for me, there' be no "wee wee wee all the way home".
You saw it coming. Admit it.
Okay, you can stop laughing now. Seriously.
Seriously.
